Dear Doctor
by ErinNovelist
Summary: After being trapped in a parallel universe, a doctor's visit prompts Rose Tyler to write a series of letters to the alien who showed her the stars, the man who stole her heart, and the father of her unborn child. (Canon AU but canon compliant; covers Post-Doomsday and post-JE).
1. 01

**_Author's Note_**

Alright! This is my first story in the Doctor Who fandom, and I am so proud of it! I started watching the show back in May and what particularly got to me was the relationship between Rose Tyler and the Tenth Doctor, especially Doomsday. Needless to say, I was not satisfied with that ending, and I have taken it upon myself to fix it. However, it quickly turned into this **thing**.

I know it's in letter format, but there's more than just a _letter_. In this story, it contains some of the lessons I've always wanted to share and I tried to truly put the reader in Rose's shoes as she goes through this journey. This is the first of almost half a dozen letters, and there's a true and real plot behind them. I really hope you guys stick around and witness it unfold. Most of it's been written, and, like I said, I am so proud where's it gone.

I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing it. Review, comment, tell me anything and everything.

**Erin x**

* * *

_"Where have all the good men gone_  
_ And where are all the gods?_  
_ Where's the street-wise Hercules_  
_ To fight the rising odds?_  
_ Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?_  
_ Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need."_

* * *

**Dear Doctor,**

I wish I knew how to begin something like this—it's just something my therapist, Stacey, recommended (my _Torchwood_ therapist, that is: Mum pushed me to get counseling after our… _separation_. Don't worry; I'm not going insane. I'm just coping). I had an appointment with the doctor yesterday. His name is Dr. John Howell, and he isn't like you at all. I haven't been feeling well since I arrived in the parallel universe, and I thought I had picked up some sort of bug when I crossed worlds. I'm not sure if that's even possible, but I learned to believe in the impossible when I started traveling with you. Dr. Howell told me I was fine, though, and to expect some nausea and other things for the next few weeks. It turns out there's nothing unnatural about me; it's just nature taking its course.

But I'm not fine, Doctor. In fact, I've probably never been farther.

I know you will never read this letter, but you need to at least know that I tried to tell you. Even if I never see you again, it helps to know that I attempted. I'm certain that others will understand as well, if they ever come across this, because never once did we stop trying to find each other. We kept fighting and fighting, but fate was bound and determined to keep us apart. And that's not the worse part.

I'm pregnant, Doctor, and fate's keeping me away from you.

I wasn't originally going to write a letter to you, but after Mum's prodding, Stacey's recommendations, and Dr. Howell's questions… I felt compelled to do something. There was just _so_ much all at once, and I didn't know how to deal with it. The only thing I do know is that I wish you were here: if not for me, then for the baby.

You once told me that the curse of the Time Lords was that you had to live on while us humans withered away, dying right before your eyes. I know that's why you never talk about the other people you've traveled with because it's hard to look back, knowing that they're aging, changing, and dying (or six feet under already). It's also why I never told you how I really felt. If we did have a life together, I know how difficult it would have been for you, living with the knowledge that you'd lose me someday. If we had known that my time with you had been coming to an end, I would have acted sooner. I would have told you how much I loved you, and even though you'd eventually lose me, I would have made sure that we made the most of it. I would have given you everything I could before I fell victim to the march of time.

I would have made sure that we would have had this baby sooner just so you could be in its life.

It's not _fair_, Doctor! I want you here with me. Everything is just so confusing… I think I should mention that Dr. John Howell is a specialist at Torchwood, dealing with different alien species' physiology as well as alien medicine and diseases… I _think_. I don't quite understand what his exact field of study is, but when I talked to Pete about a possible alien bug, he told me to contact Dr. Howell.

I learned a lot during my appointment. I'm about six weeks along, and Dr. Howell told me that means that the baby has officially graduated from an embryo to a fetus in scientific terms. We won't be able to tell if it's a boy or girl yet, but I really don't care so long as it's healthy and happy. I can't help but wonder, Doctor, what you would have preferred? If you were here right now, would you want a baby girl or a baby boy?

If I looked inside, I'd be able to see the face forming. It's about the size of a bean too, at least if we're following a normal human pregnancy. That's another reason I need you here, Doctor, because you aren't human and I am, and I have no idea what our baby will be as part Time Lord, part Gallifreyan, and part human. Dr. Howell told me that our DNA shouldn't even be compatible, so this baby shouldn't exist. (That only sent Mum on a roll, asking me which human from the future had knocked me up). However, Dr. Howell told me that something's different about my DNA.

I once asked you what the difference between Time Lord and Gallifreyan was, and you said it had to do with prolonged exposure to the Time Vortex… some sort of mutation, right? You already carry that mutation in your DNA, and it turns out that I do too. When I looked into the heart of the TARDIS, I took in the Time Vortex, and, like you said, no one's meant to do that. Dr. Howell said that I could be a different species of human entirely if we wanted to be technical: some sort of human plus Time Lord. The thing is, though, I didn't have the Vortex in me long enough to become a Time Lord (or Lady, whatever you call it). Apparently, though, it affected me enough create this little miracle.

I'm not sure what it's going to be like. Is there much of a difference between a Gallifreyan pregnancy and a human one? What will the baby look like? Most likely, it'll have humanoid features, but can it do all the Time Lord things as well? Will it regenerate and live forever? Or will it have a fragile but happy human life? All I know for sure is that when Dr. Howell hooked me up for my ultrasound, and I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time… Doctor, it was the most beautiful thing in the universe compared to anything you've ever shown me. The best part: the baby has _two_ hearts.

I guess, in a way, you're no longer the last of the Time Lords. You've got whatever I turn out to be and our child. I'm just scared about what's going to happen now that you're gone, and I'm facing the unknown all alone.

It's like you said,_ "There's a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive… wormhole refractors… You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold."_ And, Doctor, I've never needed you more.

I guess for now it's just the five of us trapped here in this other universe: me, Mum, Pete, Mickey, and the baby—the family. I always wonder if I should include you in the mix because, while you may not be here, a part of you is, and I am forever grateful for that. I also wonder if I'll ever be able to tell anyone of how that came to be.

I don't know if I'll ever tell our child the story of how his or her parents met and traveled through the stars together, seeing marvelous civilizations and saving people. "_The Stuff of Legend_", you called us. It hurts to look back on the years we spent together, but it's too big a part of my life to ignore. It's just hard for me to face _what could have been_ while I live in _what happened_. There's a lot that actually happened between us that I can't seem to grasp, and I'm stuck between _what it meant_ and _what it was_. I doubt I'll be able to tell our future son or daughter everything because there's so much, but I want to get it all down on paper while the memories are still fresh in my mind.

Hopefully, someday, I'll gather up the courage to tell them the truth about you and me. How it all started with one word. When you and I first met, it was in a warehouse where animated plastic people were trying to kill me. You appeared out of nowhere in your leather jacket with your big ears and Northern accent, and you held out your hand to me, looked me straight in the eye, and whispered just one word:_ run._

We kept running for two whole years, and though that may not seem like much, when you are flying through the entirety of space and time, it seems like forever. After all, I promised you forever, Doctor, and while our forever only lasted seven hundred and thirty days, it was enough time for you to capture my heart, take me by a choke-hold, spin me around, and threw me sky-high. In the span of two years, Doctor, I have traveled with you, befriended you, nearly killed you, almost lost you, and wholly and completely loved you. In the span of two years, I have been your assistant, companion, friend, hand-to-hold, and almost lover (or whatever you want to call us after _that_ night).

The way I see it is that we had been building up to _that_ night for months, so it's surprising that it didn't happen sooner. But that's another story for another time. All I can honestly say is that if there is one thing that being with you has taught me, it's that love and loss are intertwined so tightly that you can't have one without the other. Even though I've lost you, I'm better off having loved you than to have spent a lifetime without you.

Please don't forget about me, Doctor,  
**Rose Tyler**


	2. 02

_**Author's Note**_

Brilliant people! Thanks for reading! Here's the second letter. After the first initial, the plot will begin to pick up._  
_

**Erin x**

* * *

**Dear Doctor,**

I've been so busy as of late. I have officially been trapped in this parallel universe for two months, and Dr. Howell says I'm nine weeks along in my pregnancy. I've began to build myself a life here because I reckon that I am never going to see you again. I applied for a position at the Torchwood in this universe, and I figure that since I know a thing or two about aliens after all the traveling we did I might actually go someplace with this job. Pete has actually taken over the district I work in (Torchwood London), and since he knows about the baby, I'm confined to the office until Dr. Howell finishes his tests to figure out just _what_ I'm carrying. Sometimes I'm not fit to work, so I understand Pete's caution when it comes to field work and other things. I don't mind it, though, because I refuse to risk our baby, Doctor. For now, my life is passing by in a blur: I see Dr. Howell twice a week about the baby, I'm with my therapist every Thursday afternoon, and the rest of the time is spent in the Torchwood offices.

I've gotten so wrapped up in making a life for myself to fill the void you left that I've found myself slipping away from you. I don't want to move on. You know how your absence is affecting me, but I wonder how you're handling the separation. Are you trying to find a way back to me, Doctor? You know, I worry about you a lot. You're in the TARDIS, traveling across all of time and space all alone without any one to hold your hand. I was supposed to be with you forever…

I still remember when I knew I was going to stay with you forever.

It was shortly after our visit to New Earth when you took me to some nameless planet in some faraway galaxy on the other end of the universe, and… _oh, it was beautiful,_ Doctor. We spent all day walking through a maze with roses as blue as the sky, daises as black as the farthest corner of the universe, and laurels with light yellow petals fanned out in a circle as they reached towards the light of the planet's three suns. The water of the bay was crystal-clear, and majestic rock formations danced over the horizon in the far east. And when the night finally came, the tulips would glow under the moonlight. You took my hand, interlacing our fingers, and pointed up at the sky. And as we watched stars shoot across the dark canvas above us, I leaned against you, and you smiled and embraced me tightly.

It was that moment I realized I had fallen in love with you.

I knew I was too far gone, and it was to hard to believe in the possibility that it could one day end. "The stuff of legend"—you and me—and, in my mind, it was always going to be that way. I had reached a point of no return, and it scared me because I knew that if I ever did lose you, I wouldn't know how to _live._ I was so deeply and desperately in love with you, Doctor, that I was afraid to let you know because I didn't want to get hurt. There was no doubt in my mind that I would stay with you forever. I would never leave you. That was a promise I knew I never could possibly break.

It took a parallel universe to separate us, Doctor. I wish that could count for something. I didn't break my promise; I didn't leave you because of my own freewill. I came back when you sent me away. I held on when you wanted me to let go. I stayed when you told me to go.

I meant what I told you. _I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never going to leave you._ When those exact words rolled off my tongue, I watched your eyes widen in disbelief, and I swore I could hear your hearts stuttering and stammering as you tried to process my promise. You had lost so much already so much, Doctor, and I just wanted to give you something to keep. I would have given you my heart if I could.

I was working up to it—especially after _that _night following Krop Tor—but then came Torchwood, the Ghosts, and those stupid Cybermen and Daleks… I just wanted you, Doctor. After that night, I was going to tell you that I loved you (I still love you... I think I will _always _love you).

By that time, though, there were so many things going on in our lives that it was hard to set aside a time to discuss what exactly happened between us. It's just like that now a days. I'm never home—I never had time to myself. It's Torchwood, my health, or the baby. I'm not arguing, though, Doctor, because it lessens the hazards in my life. There's no way for me to get into trouble with my schedule… Not that I would risk it in the first place. I don't want anything to happen to this baby; it's the only piece of you I have left. However, it doesn't prevent the complications that come with pregnancy.

Have you ever been inside a doctor's office (mind you, a medical doctor)? I've never been claustrophobic, but when Dr. Howell looms over me as he checks my vitals, I can't help but hold my breath and pray that I'd get out of here soon. I just lay back on the bed, the paper crinkling with each movement I make, and hope that the baby is alright. Every time I step into his office, my heart is hammering too fast in my chest that I fear it will jump right out. I'm scared, Doctor.

I don't know if you ever experienced a human pregnancy, but it's common knowledge that the mother's body adapts itself in order to provide for the child. The last two weeks my body has been trying to regulate its internal temperature; one minute I could be shivering and the next sweating up a storm. Dr. Howell tells me that the baby's body temperature is lower than a normal human's, so I'm trying to provide a stable environment for the baby to thrive in. It's basically touch-and-go from here, Dr. Howell says. From this point on, I'm classified as a high-risk pregnancy.

I don't need any more news to add to the ever-growing list of Things That Are Going Wrong. First of all, you're not here: that's problem number one. Secondly, the baby is becoming quite difficult to deal with, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Then there are the paparazzi, following my every turn, waiting for me to come out into the open so they can make my life their personal storybook.

Adopting the role as Pete and Jackie's long-lost daughter put me in the media's spotlight as the heiress to the Vitex Empire. The tabloids went ballistic, considering that I had been unknown to the public up till now. They're calling me the late mistake of the 80s. When they find out I'm pregnant, I will have little to no privacy in my life, and that's not the environment I can raise my baby in. What happens if they're more Gallifreyan than human on the outside? They will never have a normal life, and I can't take them away in a magical machine and hide them throughout time and space. I don't have that_. We _don't have _you._

For now, it's a secret from everyone. No one other than Pete, Mickey, Jake, and Mum know the truth… And from you, I suppose. Once upon a time, I didn't think it was possible for me to keep a secret. When I was younger, Mickey had a crush on this sweet girl named Lauren Johnson; he would go on and on about her golden hair and brilliant, blue eyes. At the time, I had developed a little crush on Mickey, and envy became a prominent part of my twelve-year-old life. I tried to change everything I was in order to gain his attention; I convinced my mum to dye my hair blonde and began to wear makeup, but nothing was good enough for Mickey. When it didn't work, I ended up spilling the beans to Lauren herself about Mickey's faint obsession. I never knew what happened between the two of them, but Mickey and I went our separate ways for six months after he found out what I had done.

I was never good at keeping secrets, Doctor. I always kept my mouth shut around you, though, because I didn't think you were ready to hear it. Every time I got close, you pushed me away. I didn't think it was possible for us to keep secrets from one another, but I kept the biggest secret of them all… I was falling in love with you.

When you realize you're in love with someone, Doctor, it changes your entire life. You're so caught up in this person that you won't even acknowledge anyone else (and I hope that someday, even though Mickey forgave me a long time ago, I can find the heart to forgive myself). Everyone around you knows though, and they try to make plausible excuses for you as you change because being in love affects the very core of who you are. When you're in love, it doesn't matter where you go or where you end up so long as this person is by your side.

Doctor, if there is one thing you remember me for, please remember me as the girl who loved you wholly and was willing to spend forever with you. If that's the most important thing I did for you, don't let it go. Just remember _that_ night and keep it close to your hearts.

Please, always, remember me, Doctor,

**Rose Tyler**


End file.
